Category: Parent Talk
I was just wondering if it would be wrong to get my son a play kitchen for christmas. some say i'd be wrong for doing that, but I don't think so. he likes the one we got his half sister for her birthday, and he loves the one i got for his cousin's up coming birthday, I was browsing for christmas presents at toys r us and they have a kitchen that has boy colors for that perpis. so I don't guess it would be so bad, as long as it's not pink or any thing like that. he does have a baby dall that he holds so I don't think it could get any worse then that. i never cared what he played with and I never freeked out if he got his sister's dalls, so I don't know why a kitchen would be a big deal, but his daddy doesn't agree. bleh, I don't want to be one of those parrents who are stupid about silly little things like that. if he likes a play kitchen, then damn that's what he's getting. what are some other views on this? am i wrong?
personally, i'd say go for it. i don't see a play kitchen as just a girl's thing. the world has changed a lot since the 60's. men are in the kitchen now.
also it is pretend play. there are perfectly healthy normal men that played with dolls as children. my cousin's sons play dress up in her clothes. they are 1 and 3. children don't know things about trans gender and all that stuff at such a young age.
hope i'm making some sense here. again go for it.
Two of my guy friends are chefs, and mighty popular at all gatherings and parties, obviously. Single guys do more cooking at home than single women, this was on the news last year, think CNN, although I can't be bothered to find it. Cooking is definitely not the woman's work exclusively anymore and having fun cooking is something everyone should have a chance at. And I think the child's genetic makeup determines the kind of toys he likes. If he were, say, to be born gay and starts playing with dolls at age 2, it is not the daoll's fault, it is a "consequence" of his tendency, not the cause. And I am not saying that is the case with your son, btw, though I don't really seethe problem if it is, except he'd need a lot of attention as his class mates and other kids might tease him mercylessly. A couple we know have one son who is a cross dresser and tells everyone he's a girl, he always has liked girly stuff from when he was born, it is a perfectly ordinary, loving family and his brother is nothing like that. This has convinced me that there is a very big genetic component to these things and kids won't turn gay or straight based on the toys you give them.
right on wildebrew as usual. my brother is gay and it was obvious from the time he was a tiny tot i am told.
anyway, as for the toy kitchen, go for it. back in the 80s, much to the disgust of my family, I got one for my son. He played with it for hours. even better, when your little guy is a little older you can get real child sized pans and have him make his own little cakes, pies or whatever right along side his mama.
when i was a kid, when making a pie, my mom always made extra crust for my brother and I to use as we wanted. We could make cookies or little pies or tarts and cut shapes out of it and sprinkle cinamon and suger on them, it was so much fun. she would also have me help with the cakes and I'd use my little pans to make some for myself.
Although this was back in the dark ages, I thought it was worth adapting for my kids. Oh yes, his fugure wife will love you. Kari says it is wonderful to cook because she wants to and not because mike will starve to death if she doesn't. also he has his specialties which he still makes today. his best friend seth, who hung out at my house all the time, just graduated from chef school. he said our boys can cook attitude helped him to feel confident and comfortable.
thanks guys, and i definantly wouldn't have a problem if he ever turned out to be gay, i have nothing what so ever against gay people and a large percentage of my friends both boys and girls are gay and it's ok with me.
I'd definitely say go for the toy kitchen. I was the one that cooked a lot when our daughter was little - and to her thinking "Daddys cook" ... I don't think we can really change whatever their bent is. Our daughter really liked what most people think of as traditional girly stuff, even though we tried to help her broaden out a bit - blocks, cars, etc., there's lots of reasons for having them do that. Playing with different stuff helps them learn new skills, I think. She probably still cringes when I say "You've gotta do it at least once," but I still do that. At fifteen, I had her cut a piece of wood with a saw - just once - but it took all summer to get her to consent. I told her she had to do it once before the end of the summer and wouldn't you know, she put it off till the last day of summer before school started. She doesn't like anything mechanical or technical, and while I'm not attempting to make a geek out of her, I don't want her to be helpless either, so I try and get her to do different things. I think their bent is less gender perhaps, and more what we used to call left and right brain. Example: she loves her digital camera and takes good pictures - so they say - but hates downloading them or working with files. She loves her iPod but hated having to go through the iTunes setup when I got their new computer. I had her do it so she could learn how these things work. I notice she quit asking for her own laptop when I told her I'm gonna have her set it up when she gets it. If the world were all creative imagery, none of this would be a problem for her. But kids are how they are, and I don't think the Nurture Vs. Nature debate has relevance anymore. We just try and make sure she gets what she's gonna need, while fostering her interests.
robozork
your daughter is a unique individual. her interests are not gender based. they are just who she is... in my office, there are 14 people. 10 are males. whenever something on the pc or the teleconference equipment acts up, the dudes throw their hands up and say "we dunno nuffin." it's us gals who figure it out. just depends on the person and their makeup.
Yes, didn't intend to imply they were gender-based, only to say in modern society some people think if your daughter doesn't go towards the maths and sciences you're repressing somehow, which to my thinking is just as judgmental as the old dinosaurs claiming they can't. Certainly I've known many female engineers, and I think since technology has less ofthe "good old boy" network, I understand there's some, then the temptation can be to perhaps over-encourage a girl into it if she doesn't want. Fortunately she's rather the forthright kind, said she didn't want to do it, and it was only then I'd noticed what I was doing in the first place. I know also people who do technology use the right sid ofthe brain -- if that's still relevant and all that, I think by nurture or nature all I meant was one's bent, not gender but whatever other things contribute.
You know, my daughter sounds as though she's wired pretty similarly to yours. Here's a thought. Don't say you have to try it. Say that "I'd appreciate it," or "it would be good if" also letting her know that you are her support net and will help. I think often, at least at hacienda turri, our daughters resist because they don't want to fail. Letting them know that we still love them even if they screw up helps. I know that as a guy this is probably extremely shaky uncomfortable and nervous making ground. It has been my experience that men judge what we do and the opinion is separate from who we are. Girls are put together to believe that what we do is who we are. so if we do something wrong people will think we are idiots, no good, and useless. Am I making sense?
Gosh I've strayed a long way from kitchens for boys. sorry guys and bite me if you have a problem.
Yes, and not only that, but we have had what my wife thought was a 'perfectionist' problem. Even when she was four, she didn't want to color a sheet to enter a contest because she thought it might not be good enough. This was really disturbing because we don't have plans like that, and I too had heard fathers are to blame for this stuff. But I don't really think that way. I had always thought if you just got them to at least try it, well, they'd hopefully have some fun with it whether it was a successful attempt or not. I'm sure you're right ... and I know what I'd have thought looking from the outside in, but of the two of us, her mom has more the 'perfectionist' tendency than I do - those were her words. But she never imposed it; like with the drawing thing, well she never tried to get her to color only inside the lines, if anything tried to get her to do the opposite in more ways than one. I think I just have to remember she's thinking about if she's doing it well enough; like the sawing wood thing. All I cared about was that she knew how to handle it safely and wasn't overly scared anymore. So the fact she was doing it was all that mattered to me. But then when she saw it cut a *little* crooked, and I do mean little, she was upset till I told her tons of people make crooked cuts, and that was after all her first go at it. And to that she did really well. So I fixed it with a pocket knife - just shaved it straight - just to show how close she really was. I don't know what makes people perfectionistic like that, but I too used to think it was all because their parent or guardian was heavyhanded. In fact, if anything I'm usually upbraided for the opposite. Admittedly I do spoil her although I used to defend / deny it when my wife said I was wrapped around her little finger. I guess some things are hard to know, but I sure wish I knew this. I know one of her friends is always into every single activity to the point where some of us parents (judgmentally) thought her parents must be making her do all that. Well, I was making beer with her dad, when he said he was doing all he could to slow her down. So I guess maybe we can't really know, or at least I apparently don't do well there ...
I'm just fortunate my daughter hasn't totally distanced herself from me - I mean she has her own space and the whole upstairs but she has / wants relationships with us. She tells us stuff - without being pried - that I never would have said to my parents in a million years. So to that end, at least, we are fortunate. But I do wish the fear of failure, or even supposed failure where everyone else doesn't even know one could even fail, could be helped.
ooohhhhh!!!! this is so familiar. I wonder if it is a first born or only child thing. all their lives I've tried to tell my kids that doing their best is much more important than being perfect. like you, i'm only one variable in the big mix which is their environment. teachers, the media, their peers, all conspire in the you must be perfect drama. When my son was in first grade, he had to write some stupid story like "WHAT I ate for thanksgiving." He was sitting at the kitchen table for hours and hours. I was about to pull my hair out and was kmaking chinese food. all that cutting of vegies is a great way to relieve stress. anyway, this boy who was normally a little piece of sunshine puts his head down on the table and bursts in to tears. i was like what on earth is this all about. apparently he thought that each line of his litary legacy had to contain exactly the same amount of letters or he would fail. I reassured him that his teacher was much too busy to count the characters in every line and that what he said was more importtant. the next day i talked to her about it and she said that what she said was that the margins had to be sort of neat. if your daughter is 15 and speaking to you civilly and enjoys your company you and your wife have much for which to rejoice. Pat yourselves on the back.
Hi all, i have a 2 year old son and guess what, my baby boy wants a party kitchen and a play donky! he'll b 27 months on the 12 of november, and he came up to me the other day and said "mama, i want a party kitchen 4 christmas!" and we went 2 farmen fleete and seen a donkey he can ride and the mouth opens and sings and it is 90 dollars i think it was. he liked it i could bearly get him out the store when we had 2 go!! idk how old y our son is, but he might like a donkey and some tools set to play with.
oh that donkey sounds adorable. get him the kitchen and the boy tools too. well rounded is the best way to be.